Have you ever been in a relationship and realized it wasn’t real love? Maybe you loved the person but came to the conclusion you weren’t “in love” with them. In relationships like this, often times one of the two of us (or both of us) need the other more than we love them. Often times, one or both of us has failed to make space for love to flourish.

God told me something the other morning, something that really hit me where it hurt. I had begun my prayer asking God how I could love Him better. Immediately, He said “You need me much more than you love me.” Then He went on to say “If you really want to love me better, begin by separating the two—love and need.” At first, I believed this to be condemning, but after sitting in His presence for a while, I realized something. We will always need God more than we love Him. This only becomes a problem when we begin to lose sight of the fact that we should be loving God in addition to needing Him, when we lose sight of the fact that need and love are two very different things.

I haven’t been loving God very well these days. I’ve been distracted, tired, maybe even a little ungrateful. This is what led me to beginning my prayer that way in the first place. I want my relationship with God to flourish; I want it to be better than it is right now.

So the question becomes, How do we love God instead of merely needing Him? How do we not just exist with God but fall in love and remain in love with God?

I sat for a bit with the next page of my art book, an empty page. I didn’t know what picture I wanted to paint, what I wanted to write about, what I wanted to speak on. The truth is, that was a good thing. It was a good thing I didn’t know because God knew, and I don’t ever want His voice to be overridden by my own. The emptiness, though intimidating, was ironically the answer to my prayer. Sometimes we need to sit in emptiness in order for God to speak, or rather, for His voice to be heard. In order to love God correctly and completely, we have to learn to listen as well as speak. Love is a two way street.

Emptiness; that’s the answer. We must empty out in order to make room for God, for love. Let’s face it, life is busy, and even when it isn’t, we’re tired from everything life keeps throwing at us. So often when we do get that time, we are tempted to zone out doing something mindless. The truth is though, in any relationship, the way you show someone you love them is by making time to be with them and listening to what they have to say. You can’t grow in intimacy with someone if you’re never around them. Love is illustrated when we choose someone and continue to choose them even when we don’t feel like it. Need is about the self. Love is about the other person; love is about sacrifice. Love is about emptying out and creating space for someone.

After sitting with the empty page for a bit, God began to move; God had space to move, and I knew exactly what He wanted me to say. So how do we go beyond needing God to loving Him? It’s simple, really. We empty out; we pause; we sit with Him; we listen. We begin to see the empty page for what it really is—space for God to move. It was the empty page that made me pause long enough to remember who I need to fill it. It was the empty page that showed me how to to fall in love with God.