The Gift of a Wife: Becoming the Proverbs 31 Woman

He who finds a wife finds a good thing. (Proverbs 18:22)

What makes a wife? A wedding ceremony, a ring on your finger, a shared bank account and living space? I want to make a bit of an ironic claim: The “Proverbs 31 woman” was a wife before she had a husband and would have continued to be a wife if she never married.

So what do I mean by that? In order to attract her God approved husband in the first place, she must have become a wife first. Further, she would continue to be a wife whether or not God sent her a husband. A wife is not a marital status or title; that is a spouse. What makes a wife is her character.

Being a wife, a Proverbs 31 woman, is about being a blessing to others, including but certainly not limited to a husband. When reading Proverbs 31, we see a very specific type of woman depicted in the scripture: a woman who is virtuous, wise, and is a blessing to those around her. These character traits are acquired by spending time in the presence of God.

The Proverbs 31 wife was God’s bride first. She put God first and learned what it means to be a wife and what it means to love through the one who is love Himself.

What is love about? I’ve asked myself this question many times. The truth is, love is very much about the same thing that being a woman (or man) of God is: dying to the flesh. It’s about accepting the fact that sometimes I must do things I don’t feel like doing and then doing them. If someone or something is important to us, we make sacrifices for that person or thing. Jesus Himself taught us this.

I’ve struggled a lot in my life with time management. It’s hard to give time to God. Honestly, it’s hard even with nothing else on my plate. When I had Covid and literally had nothing else to do that week but spend time with God, I still struggled to do it!

This passed week I’ve been praying for God to reveal Himself to me on a deeper level. When He spoke to me, He said, “Meet me halfway.”

“But how do I do that?” I asked.

Two key actions must be taken in order to meet God halfway. We must deny our flesh, and we must make more room for Him.

One practical way to deny my flesh is to cut back on social media, cut back on my mindless scrolling, even cut back on sleep. The beautiful thing about God is when we make sacrifices, He speaks. I picked up the book on my shelf I had begun months ago but never finished, the one that had just been collecting dust, “Learning to Pray Through the Psalms” by James K Sire. I decided I was going to bring it to work with me and read it during my downtime instead of scrolling this week.

As I came to the “Morning Meditation” chapter, I came to realize God was using this book to elaborate on His answer to my question—how to make more room for God.

In this chapter, James Sire makes the statement “One hour in the morning is worth two at night.” He goes on to say that nightly prayer is recommended, but morning prayer is a requirement.

Why is this so hard? Because nothing worth having comes easily, but we make sacrifices for things we truly want and truly love.

Our time with the Lord is very much acquired the same way as time with family, showing up for work, exercising, or anything else. We must show up. We all have the same amount of hours in the day, and it all comes down to what is most important to you. The truth is, if I can push myself out of bed for work, I can push myself out of bed for God.

She rises when it’s still night. (Proverbs 31:15)

Earlier this week, I pushed myself out of bed and walked to the kitchen to drink my water like I do every morning. I stood there at the window and thought about how so many past mornings I had stood there at day break to see the first few moments of light. As I stood there that morning, it was dark out. It wasn’t until that very moment, as I remembered Proverbs 31:15, I realized I had become her.

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