It was 4:57—three minutes before five o’clock pm which meant it was three minutes before I’d clock out and head out the door to go home. It was then and only then she started to cry, this little girl not even three years old. Tears streamed down her face, and her nose ran. I should have knelt down and told her everything was going to be ok. But I was tired, and I just wanted to go home. Instead, I made way to the door. Before I had a chance to realize I should turn around, the closing nurse scooped her up and began to comfort her knowing I was getting ready to leave.
I exited the room and walked over to the computer to clock out at 4:58, and something inside of me began to hurt. I walked out to my car and sat there for ten minutes before pulling out of the parking lot. “It should have been me.” I told myself. I should have scooped her up to comfort her. That’s what Jesus would have done.
As I drove home, my guilt quickly turned to gratitude. I’m grateful that when I sin, it grieves me because I know that is evidence the Holy Spirit lives in me. I am grateful when God rebukes me because it makes me better, and it brings me closer to Him when I respond in obedience.
Disease and sickness is a lot like sin. It gives birth to pain, and when it’s full grown, leads to death. Everyone sins; everyone makes mistakes, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t put up a fight; that doesn’t mean we have an excuse to live in it without attempting to turn away from it. When we give in to sin, we give in to death—spiritual death. We were not designed to thrive in sin. We were designed to lean on God, the almighty healer, to direct our steps. When we respond in obedience, we can experience healing and live out our God-given potential.
I fall short daily, and I’m grateful for His gentle correction when I mess up. He doesn’t just put a bandaid on me when I sin by telling me I’m wrong and to stop it. No, He heals me from the inside out by making my heart more like His. It’s because of His love, I don’t want to sin; it’s because of His love, I want to be better; it’s because of His love, I can experience true healing.
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